Sometimes I think, "There are no bad children, only bad parents."This is my own aphorism, but I've been assured that others havealready coined it, perhaps in the way different mathematiciansindependently discovered calculus.
Of course, it resembles most aphorisms in being half right. Butthe sentencing awhile back of Kip Kinkel, the Oregon teen whomurdered his parents, then sprayed bullets at students in school,reminds us of the subject's continuing importance.
For despite other frequently cited causes of these tragic sprees -- emulation of earlier shootings, lax gun laws, stimulant use, mediadehumanization via TV, Internet, violent movies, etc. -- I think oneshould usually appropriate some of the blame to the parents.
Kip had certainly felt a good deal of pressure from his parents,particularly in the school realm. As he said, "I had to be 100percent. . . . With my parents, if I didn't do the best, I was anembarrassment."
The Kinkels made a lot of moves with their boy, but doesassiduous parenting always constitute good parenting? I think not.
In fact, there are times when I see parents as the grave diggersof a generation, particularly when it comes to their exaggeratedexpectations regarding scholastic achievement.
Maybe school isn't right for everyone. Maybe 19th centuryreformers who thought obligatory primary education would eradicateall moral errors and create universal happiness were wrong. Maybethe Kennedy and Johnson administrations that later extended thisidea -- institutionalizing the idea that college for all is not onlydesireable, but needed -- exacerbated such outlandish expectations.
Good parents see their child as he or she is, not as a mereprescription to be filled.
In Kip's case, both parents were Spanish teachers, pulling down ahealthy combined income, and living in Oregon's beautiful WillametteValley. They obviously wanted their son to become a model student,like his straight-A sister, Kristin,attending Hawaii PacificUniversity.
When Bill Kinkel's home schooling didn't alleviate the pent-upanger the boy felt, he got Kip into counseling and Prozac, and alsoconsidered the National Guard for him.
As noted, Kinkel made a lot of moves; but again, was he a goodparent? For maybe his boy would have been more fulfilled in sometechnical program, or as a car mechanic. Maybe it would have beenbetter had his parents encouraged him to be what he was, rather thanexacerbate his obviously unvented resentments, resulting in aterrible explosion.
Moving to the Colorado horror, the killers again hailed from"respected, middle-class families," according to a typical article.One family home was worth nearly $400,000, the other about $185,000,so perhaps the term "middle-class" is understated.
But exemplary, oh so exemplary! Yet you wonder why one of thoseplotters, Eric Harris, was taking anti-depressants. Maybe so thathis parents could get themselves off the hook from really dealingwith the boy? Needless to add, they also neglected to find theordnance he possessed.
I believe that we must start looking at these shooters' parents,if not to inflict all blame on them -- how unfair that would be --at least to label them partially responsible for such disasters.
B.B. SINGER teaches at several universities, primarily inSouthern Ontario.
For submission guidelines on columns appearing in this space,click on The Buffalo News logo at the Buffalo.com Web site, thenclick on Opinions and My View, then scroll down to Contact Us andclick on that; or send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to OpinionPages Guidelines, The Buffalo News, P.O. Box 100, Buffalo, N.Y.14240.
Комментариев нет:
Отправить комментарий